Can i not drive my cunt home
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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