I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
