The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
