yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
