I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
