i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Less talking, more tequila
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
