It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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