I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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