If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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