I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
