I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
