On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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