i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm too high and old for this...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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