how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
