Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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