So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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