I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
