I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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