Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
