He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
