I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
