Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
