and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
