you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
