He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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