I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
