God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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