And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
