Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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