I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
