haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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