I'm drive I can fine osifer
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
