I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
