Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
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