Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
