pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
