Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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