You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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