Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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