Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
