well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
