The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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