jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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