Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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