If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
