Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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