And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
