Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
