I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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