So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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