We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
