I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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