you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I CAN MOONWALK!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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