the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
