Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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