I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
