Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
