Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
