One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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