I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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