I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
