You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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