I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You're like the curious george of whores
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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