he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
