First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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