I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
