Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
