having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
