my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
