I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize