No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
