I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
